that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
