True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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