even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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