Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
