Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
