Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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