would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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