That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
