they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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