i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
try to milk me bitch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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