Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
