I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
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