i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
