And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
