My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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