I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
