11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
