Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
