The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
