Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
