There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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