Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
