so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
