I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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