I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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