Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
