I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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