New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
