yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
