I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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