What a fucking waste of an outfit
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
