oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
