After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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