Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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