Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
