youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
