so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My feet surprised me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
