dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
