I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
