sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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