on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
sex in a hospital.. check
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
