i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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