he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
