i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
