So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
