Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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