i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
