i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
