one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
