I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
