Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
