yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
