Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just tell him i said nine months
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
