she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
