if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
