This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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