I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
