Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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