Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
