so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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