lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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