There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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