hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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