I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
