We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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