I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
accomplished twins. life is a go
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
