told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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