You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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