EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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