I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
