Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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