I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
