Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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