Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
