So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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