I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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