tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
