omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
