We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
