So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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