apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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