This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
