i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
