i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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